Who-Wants-To-Be-Princess-When-You-Can-Be-QUEEN!

A Playar In the Making

2010-03-16T12:09:00.000-07:00

Last week, as I am getting LM ready for school he requests to have his hair spiked; like SD Terry’s. What is a mom to do but oblige. As I’m spiking his hair he looks into the mirror smiles and puts his hands on his hips forms a gun like shape with his fingers and begins to swivel his hips while saying in a hot sexy six year old voice, “HELLOOOOO LAAAAADIES.”

First of all a six year old should NOT have a sexy voice! Secondly, there is no reason he should even know he has hips to swivel.

I did not know whether I should laugh, cringe or cry. I did neither. I just calmly said, “Where in the world did you learn that?” Quickly and innocently he said, “Momma, my brain tells me what to say and how to move.”

I am raising a soon to be playar…

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

2010-01-08T09:43:00.001-08:00

I think I either need to close out my blog or start blogging again...O the decisions...

The 2nd Day of First Grade

2009-08-28T04:17:00.001-07:00

This is my conversation with my little first grader on the 2nd day of school…

Mom: “Hey bud, how was school today?”

Ty: “It was good. Mom do you know that she is going to make us do math tomorrow and I have to make a frog? Seriously Mom, I don’t even know how to make a frog.”

Mom: “Well, Don’t you think your teacher will help you?”

Ty: “Yes, she’ll help me. You know mom she is nice. She’s nice like Mrs. R.”

All I could so was laugh – especially when he said, “Seriously Mom.”

First Grade

2009-08-18T04:57:00.000-07:00

The school year is right around the corner. I am full of mixed emotions; mostly excited for Ty. He is playing football again this year and loving it. However, he feels he doesn't need to go to practice because, "Mom, I know how to play the game."

As for me, if you want to play you got to practice!"

Greed

2009-07-17T09:17:00.001-07:00

If I have learned anything over the last year or so it is that GREED is unbecoming and shows ones true colors. It turns people into the worst and I have no tolerance for it.

Bacelona, Spain

2009-06-25T05:58:00.001-07:00

Well, I made it half way around the world and back. I have no idea how to put my trip into words.. It was amazing yet it was un-comforting at the same time. I am not one to get homesick however, I could not wait to get back home. By Wednesday I was in tears of wanting to come home. Having homesickness is the worst feeling in the world. I would not wish it upon anyone. It is a very lonely feeling and there is no cure.

I will put my trip into words but for right now I'm just enjoying being at home with my boys.

No Pity Partiers Allowed

2009-06-12T04:44:00.000-07:00

Life is full of ups and downs twists and turns and what you do with that roller coaster ride is fully up to you. I have noticed that there are two types of people. One being those who are the go getter's and take life by the horns and make the best out of any situation; two being those who feel the world is out to get them and pity pity poor me when the stars are not aligned properly.

I have had my share of ups, downs, twist and turns; however I have taken that roller coaster and turned it into a positive ride. I have also learned that the world does not owe you anything nor does anyone on this blessed planet. Who owes you then? You owe it to yourself. You owe yourself enough self respect to get off that pity party me horse and change your life if you are that miserable. Yes, it can be done!

My life is far from perfect and so am I. I have learned from all my wild rides and sometimes I have learned the hard way. What I feel I have learned most is to disengage myself from those who are the pity poor me’s. I cannot stand the fact that people wallow in self pity – it is a pet peeve. I want to scream in their faces “GET OVER YOURSELVES.” No one is that more important than anyone else – with the exception of our children.

My advice quit wallowing in what you think is your sad little world and make changes. Take a look around I guarantee someone has it harder than you do.

Change is good!

Won't You Be My Neighbor

2009-06-10T11:15:00.000-07:00

Ty and another little boy were picked out of the whole K class to play Mr. Rogers at their spring graduation concert. When I asked how they were picked his teacher said because he and the other child were the class hams. Big surprise!

Below is the video of my little movie star...

I Can Ride A Two Wheeler!

2009-06-10T09:17:00.000-07:00

For Me?`

2009-06-02T04:39:00.000-07:00

We were out to dinner with the men's softball crowd on Friday...the local Blvd Grille is the men's sponsor so we dine there often as our thank you for the money to play.

Our usual conversation got a little edgy but we were careful not to insult the adorable 5 year old with us. As we are talking about an old friend's house party it was mentioned that he brought out a box of "adult toys." Do not even ask why he brought them out as it has been three weeks and we are still wondering the same thing.

My friend John brought up the "box of toys" and we of course all laughed about it and were joking around when Ty looked up at the crowd of men and as if on queue said "for me?" "Mom a box of toys for me?"

The conversation went something like this:

John: What is he doing with that "box of toys?"

Me: Who knows it creeped me out. Especially in a house they are trying to sell.

John: Having a full box of toys is just weird.

Me: Well, I'm glad it's his box of toys. There are too many "toys" for one person I think.

In chimes the 5 year old:

Ty: A box of toys "for me?"

Of course he bats his baby blues and has a huge grin on his face - as if it were Christmas Day.

Laughter filled the outdoor deck area...

Ty: Mom why is your face all red??

Let's just say the conversation quickly changed to something else from the "box of toys."

A Homerun in the Eyes of a Five Year Old

2009-05-26T08:24:00.000-07:00

Saturday was your typical tee ball day with the Sheetz Cheetah’s. Ty got his turn up to bat and we all stood watching intently. I will admit that he packs a wallop for a 5 almost 6 year old. However, I refuse to be one of those “mothers!” The boy toy brags enough for the whole family, which is not a bad thing. I just smile ear to ear and think, “yes, that is my boy and I’m proud!”

So as the story goes:

Ty gets up to bat takes a few practice swings and smacks the ball down the 3rd base line, Coach yelled out “foul ball.” A deep breath is taken and the batters stance is once again met. Ty looking on at the pitcher with a serious give me your best shot look. The pitch is in and with a crack of the bat the ball goes sailing line drive up passed the short stop to the outfield and takes a bounce over the home run fence.

Keep in mind the players are to stop at first base, the rules are everyone bats and runs, no outs counted, no score tallied. Rules, what rules? At the moment that ball bounced over the fence my darling little major league prospect changed the rules. He tossed down his bat and threw up his arms cheering and thought I am king! Can you give me a whoop whoop, I am unstoppable!

He does not stop at first base, but continues to approach 2nd and 3rd bypassing his own teammates standing on 2nd and 3rd base until he rounds in and reaches home plate.

I have learned there are no rules in tee ball when that baseball is bounced over the fence and that is not a ground double to a five year old, it is a home run!

The Day Spent at Magic Kingdom

2009-05-18T04:44:00.000-07:00

Magic Kingdom was great - our favorite was Splash Mountain. No long lines to wait it. May is the perfect time of year to go.

Disney 2009

2009-05-12T06:11:00.001-07:00

Even though I went for work and sat in meetings we were able to sneak out and play some. Here is Ty and I in Epcot after the group dinner.

You may see a gap in Ty's mouth where a tooth use to be. Ty lost his very first tooth and unbeknownst to me the tooth fairy doubles the deal in Disney according to everyone. As he woke up on Friday, I had already left for my Friday Session of meetings, Ty found $4.00 under his pillow and no tooth. Here I thought we were in a recession, just not according to the tooth fairy!

I should also mention he pulled the tooth out himself, mom was too freaked out but the wiggly little sucker.

I'm a Hitter!

2009-04-30T04:38:00.000-07:00

My little slugger!

We need to stay humble

2009-04-24T07:01:00.001-07:00

T is now entering his first year of tee ball. The deal is the coaches will pitch X amount of balls to the kids, if they don't hit any of the pitches they bring out the tee for them. They switch fielding and hitting once all kids had a chance to bat and run the bases.

It's great no cut throating as of yet. I have coached so I have promised myself not to get mixed up in the politics of sports. If he plays great; if he doesn't but is having fun then who cares right? I know wait til High School...ARGH!!

Unfortunately, I had to leave before last bat so I asked the Father this morning how he did and the response was this...

His 3rd hit went past the 3rd baseman out to the fence. He hit one that would’ve been his best hit of the season, but it was foul. When T hit the one foul, I heard the manager of the other team say to one of their other coaches that this kid should be in the older league.

He did really well at first base. When he threw the ball back to their coach that was pitching, he would throw it pretty hard. The other coach kept complimenting T on his arm. Towards the end of the inning the coach came over and asked me if T was 7. When I told him he was only 5, he couldn’t believe it.

I replied, "that's great and don't tell him let's try to keep him humble for as long as we can."

Your so Vein you probably think this post is about you...well it is!

2009-04-17T04:38:00.000-07:00

If it is one thing that parenting as taught me it is never to underestimate the brilliant mind of your child when it comes to witty comments or comebacks.

I was on the couch the other night with my little man watching his favorite cartoons of course (thank you to the BOOM Channel and Direct TV) when I looked over at him and this conversation took place:

T: "Mom, why do you keep on staring at me?"

Me: "What I'm not allowed to look at my child?"

T: "O, I know why you stare at me."

Me: "O yea, why?"

T: "Because I'm cute!"

As he hides his face in the pillow grinning ear to ear.

Star of the Week

2009-03-31T07:42:00.001-07:00

T received Star of the Week in his classroom. We had fun gathering all of his favorite things, a t-shirt; photos; foods; toys; movies; hobby and books. His teacher put up a great display and T got to share all the things on his board with his classmates.

Two years and counting

2009-02-10T05:10:00.000-08:00

He sat beside me and everyone around us suddenly disappeared. I sat nervously holding onto every bit of the conversation not wanting to miss a thing. As I listened he brushed his hand gently against mine sending a tingle throughout my body. I smiled bashfully my cheeks felt flush.

After dinner we stood to leave, he grabbed my jacket helping me put it on. My heart skipped a beat or two. I smiled gently and looked shyly towards him whispering thanks. He gently glided this hand on the small of back leading me to the door. My heart was pounding. My date was so soft and sincere it had been a long time since I had felt like that. Felt…important.

After two years of dating he still makes my heart skip a beat.

Thanks for loving me the way you do. I love you too.

Happy 2 Years and Happy Valentine’s Day sweetheart.

PS...you never bore me, either.

The Series

2009-01-15T11:23:00.000-08:00

I am a huge fan of the author Nicholas Sparks. I also demand him to be under my Christmas tree every year...well not him per say but his new work of art. This year, I received The Lucky One which I devoured in 3 days. Well...it is hell not having your child and this hobby keeps me out of trouble and sane when he is with his dad.

I read and read and loved every page as I soaked deeper and deeper into the lives of the characters of this book. Amazing, this man has talent!

But then...I got wind of a new series, an author everyone is raving about, Stephenie Meyer, the mother of the Twilight Series. All I have to say is I have never been so pissed about going to work - because that means I have to wait 8 hours to pick up this book again. I am dying to get home and start where I have left off. However, I have been sneaking an hour of reading over lunch.

I just found out:

She now knows he’s a vampire…THANK GOODNESS…NOW WHAT?? – A forbidden love affair; what happens next?? Commence Chapter 10….Am I now entering what I will assume is the “meat” of the book. What fun getting there.

When will 4:00 arrive?? I can’t wait to go home and dive deep into the couch next to the faux fireplace and indulge in my new love – Twilight.

I must admit, in the beginning I couldn't figure out what all the hype was about packaged up in this 500 paged book. Then I opened the crisp well designed cover, now I dread putting the book down.

Meyer's makes you feel as though you are right smack dab in the scene making all your senses come alive. I feel as if I am a background character in this book watching from afar waiting for the characters next moves. I lL.O.V.E it.

If you have some free time, I would say pick up the series and dive on in.

Lost and Found?

2009-01-13T04:35:00.000-08:00

I think I have become bored with my blog world. I love to read blogs, just not type them as much anymore. Ahem…love to read because I want to know what everyone else is doing and love getting lost in someone’s warped world…as if mine is not warped enough. Besides, who really who cares what I am doing? It is more interesting to learn about others then myself, I think.

I get lost in other blogs, people’s lives; their struggles; their accomplishments; their children’s wondrous marvels. They are blogs that do not make me feel alone in my day to day struggles; accomplishments and my own little marvels. It makes me feel…well…good. Good by knowing I am not the only one out there that has pains and gains.

In a nutshell, I am just a plain Jane mother; a full time employee who thinks her work rocks most of the time. I still love to play volleyball; socialize and travel. I still live in a small hick town trying to make it like everyone else.

I get excited about things and then bored with things after the challenge has worn off. I think there are only two things in life that do not ever bore me, one being most important my son. He is my greatest accomplishment and everyday is a wonderful yet challenging one – that is one challenge that will never die, raising a child, motherhood.

My second is playing volleyball even at my rightful age of 30 plus 4 I love that game. I love the team feeling when on the court. I love the winning and sometimes the losing because that means I have not achieved the game to perfection.

Maybe a break is all I need. A vacation perhaps? I have plenty of life stories to tell I just do not want to blog them, I guess. I could be just in a funk and after being on the computer all day clicking on the keyboard when I get home is the furthest thing from my mind. That may make me lazy or just at a point in my life where I am over the story telling. Who knows what I am right now.

A new challenge; to figure what it is I want or what I am all about, maybe.

Phew, glad we had this little chat. I feel a little better...I think...

The Cookie Card

2009-01-07T08:39:00.000-08:00

After much ice, snow, sleet, rain and whatever else Mother Nature decided to toss our way yesterday school was let out early. I decided to work through lunch and go pick up my favorite little man so he could skip the after school program and hit the grocery store before all the crazies got there.

That was my second mistake…the first promising my boy a free cookie from the bakery with the cookie card I carry with me faithfully. Unbeknown to me the damn thing expired on New Year’s Eve…who knew??

We get to the bakery and I am frantically diving deep into my unorganized wallet looking for the “card” pull it out and hear the “mean old hag” ahem, sweet little old lady say – honey you need a new card. O I do? This one did expire…thinking she will just give my boy the cookie and let me move on. What the sweet freaking hell was I thinking?? Thirty minutes of torture began.

I said I don’t have any cash on me, I just came for a few things I will get the card on my way out after I get cash from my purchases. She looked right at me and my mouth watering boy and said, “I will not give you the cookie without the card.”

Commence tears and I am not talking little tears, I am talking freaking tears of cats and dogs the size of wild cats and great danes. I of course stomp off, remembering I have a five dollar bill of my stash cash in the console of my car. Now remember, the weather is not the greatest out and I have a 5 year old with me in the shopping cart sitting and crying because some nut job will not give up a stale rainbow cookie...so I do what any mother of year would - I take the cart park it in the foyer of the store leaving my purse with child so no one will think I ran off and left him – run out in the elements of the shitty day for a five dollar bill. Mom to the rescue…

Once I get back into the store I walk back to the bakery hand the bitch (sweet as been long gone from mind) lady behind the counter the five and she looks at me and says, “I do not have change.” MOTHER FUCKING GOD, it’s a cookie. It is not like I was asking her to stuff the whole tray down my shirt and pants to steal.

I had to go up to the front of the store to the customer service desk and purchase the card there. I stood for ten minutes while the manager and another worker talked about some other employee being in a bad mood. I thought they have yet to see a bad mood. Meanwhile, my child again in tears, the poor thing just wanted a cookie. All I wanted was a little help! I wanted saved.

I smiled saying, I would like a cookie card, seems they like to play hard to get. She just looked at me and I said it has only taken me thirty minutes in your store to get my child one.

I am thinking of sending customer service email to the owner of the local store; however I am not sure what I want to say yet.

But damn it, we got our cookie card for 2009!

If I knew...

2008-12-10T05:01:00.001-08:00

This email was forwarded to me and I felt compelled to share it with the blog world...

If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you fall asleep,I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door,I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,I could spare an extra minute to stop and say "I love you,"instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day,Well I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight,and we always get a second chance to make everything just right. There will always be another day to say "I love you,"And certainly there's another chance to say our "Anything I can do?"

But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I'd like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, and today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight. So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?

For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day, that you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today, and whisper in their ear. Tell them how much you love them and that you'll always hold them dear.

Take time to say "I'm sorry," "Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay."

And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today!

Invisible Mother

2008-12-05T10:38:00.000-08:00

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way Tyler will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.

Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously, not.

He cannot see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Boom Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied insurance; but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.
She's going; she's going; she is gone! One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England ..

She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.

I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe ..

I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To My Dear Friend, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.' In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything. A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees' I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.

It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.' At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life.

It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand-bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.'

That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're going to love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right.
And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women. Great Job, MOM!

Hope this encourages you when the going gets tough as it sometimes does.

Tyler, mommy loves you from where?? Yes, here to the moon and I will do my best to raise you perfectly.

Halloween Trick and Treats

2008-11-03T08:49:00.000-08:00

Money Comes and Money Goes

2008-10-29T04:42:00.000-07:00

You all know about the infamous McDonald’s Monopoly game going on, right?! If not, you are either not in America or are living under a rock somewhere in the caves of the dessert.

Here is my little story to share with you about how money comes and money goes. While in the Sin City for a conference the boy toy and I decided to grab a bite to eat at yes, you got it, McDonald’s for breakfast. Having never really been one to play those games I thought why not so I opened our games pieces and there it was – BOARDWALK one of the most expensive pieces of real estate on the board. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Save those pieces, do you know how hard it is to get Boardwalk? I mean we could win some major bucks here.

Boy Toy: Okay, but you know you will never win? Your chances of getting hit with lightening are better.

Me: I do not care, I will take my chances. Besides are we not in Vegas, the land of forever gambling?

…I am now going to fast forward you back to my hometown…

Me: Um, Ter where are the pieces that I asked you to keep for the monopoly game when we were in Vegas?

Boy Toy: I think I still have them in the fanny pack.

Me: Can you get them? You are never going to believe what piece was on my Sweet Tea today. PARK PLACE the second most expensive piece of real estate that is going to make you and I very happy when I put the codes in for the online game.

After much digging for the piece of gold a very sad and worried boy toy comes down from the attic and says:

I must have thrown the pieces out from Vegas while I was packing to come home.

*GASP*

Easy come and easy go and damn it I will never have the opportunity of having those two pieces together ever again! Again, this is why I do not gamble or play money winning games because I always lose.

A Son's Love is Announced

2008-10-22T09:04:00.000-07:00

Every morning when I drop Ty off for school I always say - "Remember how much I love you... from here to the moon!" Then I shower him with a few hugs and kisses - got to get them all in now because when he is older he is not going to let that happen at all.

Well, this morning was no different, I walked him to the doors of the school, rang the bell and said, "Ok buddy, remember how much I love you - from here to the moon!"

He returned with saying, "Well Mom, I LOVE YOU...from here to the grass."

Sin City

2008-10-13T07:57:00.000-07:00

What folks at a Risk Management Safety Conference really do when they are not in meetings. You determine the safer of the four videos.

The Bride and her Lovely Maids

2008-10-06T04:47:00.001-07:00

A Wedding Through My Eyes

2008-10-01T07:29:00.000-07:00

Saturday, my two dearest friends whom I have gotten to know through the boy toy will wed. I feel lucky to have been asked to be a part of this most magical day. I started out as a reader then graduated to hottie bridesmaid with three others. This is truly the hottest bridal party I have ever seen by far and I have been in my share of weddings.

The movie 28 Dresses – made after me I swear it. I consider myself to be a professional bridesmaid!!

Enough of that back to the meat of my entry –

I met this couple through the boy toy and fell in love with them immediately. She has two of the most precious little girls ever to set foot on this earth. One which, is hopelessly in love with Ty and will one day wed. We do have the arranged married thing going here…cannot have our children doing it themselves now, can we?

D is about to marry one of the nicest guys I have ever met in my life. He lives not only for her but her two children, that he has taken under his wing and easily fell in love with.

D, I cannot wait to see you in your gown and cry with you a little bit...I cannot wait to watch you and the hubster say your vows and see the love you both have for each other grow that day. I cannot wait to see your precious little angels gain a father figure - a man who adores them as much as he would his own children...and most importantly I cannot wait to drink a beer to you both.

DB, not to leave you out – but a man in a tux – woof, woof…weak spot for any girl. But this is about the Bride, I’m sure you will understand.

I am not usually emotional at weddings but I have a feeling this wedding may do the trick for me. I have watched you two grow in the two years I have known you. I have watched DB look at you, D, with a full intensity of true love. I have seen you glow when he walks into the room every single time.

My heart skips a beat every time I see you two together. This wedding makes me proud to be a bridesmaid, a cheerleader from the sideline, if you will. I love you both as much as any friend could.

So here is to your Wedding Day – may you both grow old together loving each other more and more every day.

I HEART YOU BOTH!!

The Bride and Bridal Party

Me, M, Bride, MOH and in front J.

The Beach Trip

2008-09-22T16:23:00.001-07:00

A few weeks ago I headed off to the beach for a wonderful time in the you got it, sand, sun and of course volleyball.

Who would have thought the tempatures would hit the 90 degree mark so late in the year? Not me, is right...

On Saturday the girls and I faired well taking 2nd place on our net - what a great time that was...

On Sunday the day started out well - TW and I were up 14-9 losing 16-14 - couldn't do a darn thing right. I was to blame, the heat started to set in and exhaustion was playing its mean little toll. The game lasted an hour - back and forth, side out after side out - we just couldn't close the barn door on this team. Plus, TW and I are playing in the A Division now that we had to go and win in the Spring.

What were we thinking?

After the game was finished I walked to the restroom feeling quite weak and weary. Feeling the onset of dizziness and nausua. Coming back to the boardwalk I sat down were a nice couple stopped asking if I was okay. I explained that I was hot and dizzy. They promptly poured water on my head and gave me their water bottle to drink. At that time I wasn't thinking germs I was thinking help me before I pass out and die.

I got seated under the canopy where my friends were and they promptly dashed to my aide helping with cooling my body tempature down and getting fluids in my system. Naturally it was to much for my body to handle and I promptly began to toss my cookies. Not a pretty site - however, it was only water and gatorade.

Thinking I was going to have to end the long day I sat slumped in my seat dousing myself with water from my cooler and resting.

We thought of tossing in the towel for the day and I said no way, I didn't drive 5 hours to give up.

So we played. TW played amazing, I heart this guy. Shhhhh don't tell his wife though. He was wonderful that day in everyway a partner on the court could be. He picked up the pieces that I let fall and drove us to a great victory. We ended the day with a 5-2 record taking 2nd place.

This is us in our victory game - putting the silver medal in our pockets...

I can sleep through anything, mom

2008-09-22T06:16:00.003-07:00

We took Ty to the Pitt - Iowa game on Saturday. This is how we spent the third quarter.

Then on Sunday my baby boy scored a 40 yard touchdown.

T-O-U-C-H-D-O-W-N

2008-09-04T07:35:00.000-07:00

Last night LM had a football game against a local schools kindergarten kids. LM scored the first touchtown running 40yards along with scoring the two point conversion.

Then he scored this touchdown at the end of the game. It was a total blast watching him and the other kids.

My Football Player

2008-09-03T08:29:00.000-07:00

LM played is first game last weekend. He is playing the position of running back because he's really fast.

7 rushing yards were gained by this little athlete of mine and he had one tackle and two tackle attempts.

Tonight is his second game - perhaps a video for tomorrow's cyber stalkers of mine.

He is all Grown up

2008-08-27T06:54:00.000-07:00

Ah, the first day of school...for some a blessing for others not so. LM was more than excited when we woke up. He dressed himself like a big boy - although the buttons on his shirt were a little off, mommy took joy in fixing that, of course.

We wet his hair as it was sticking up all over the place, he said it was because he slept on his head. We took photos, we laughed, had a small morning snack and off we were to the first full day of school EVER.

On the way to the school he laughed and said mom school is so cool and work is boring. Too bad for you, you get to have no fun and I do. I get to have gym class today and you get to do nothing but work.

I breathed a sigh of relief thinking this is going to be OK. This is going to be easy. We pulled in, he was all to excited, he jumped out of the SUV grabbed my hand, we walked towards the doors where all the teachers, kids and proud parents were, smiling the whole way.

Then BAM like a freaking ton of bricks it hit him and me right in the heart. I stood strong and proud not showing any fear or tears for him. I marched proudly in the school and that is when he latched on for dear life. You would have thought I was giving him to the scariest monsters alive.

He bawled. I smiled at the teacher holding back my tears saying please just take him. She offered one more hug, I said you cannot do that, I begged please just take him. She did. He screamed Mommy, stay. I just left...not turning to even look. I could not.

The principal smiled and said mom it will be okay. He's a great kid I can tell. I smiled and said I know. I drop him off every morning but today was just different. He was scared and I, scared for him.

School - First Day Ever

2008-08-18T08:32:00.001-07:00

My baby begins school for the first time ever next week...
I don't know whether I should be happy for him or cry!!

Middle Age - For Better For Worse

2008-07-31T05:34:00.000-07:00

I got asked "how old are you?" When I admitted my age – because it’s really only a number, the girl said, “Really I could have sworn you to be 27 – 29…34 WOW, I would have never guessed."

It did make me smile a bit, I will admit...

Then it hit me on my drive home…

I will be 34 October 28th – There I finally admitted it out loud…I’m getting and feeling so old and my body is screaming MY GOSH MID LIFE is rearing its ugly demon head. Hips are spreading (thank you child bearing hips) and the boobs (what little I have) are falling. Crows feet are coming along with the dark circles and the chin whiskers – WTF is that all about – chin whiskers…come on Lord, I’m not a cat and yes you do have a sense of humor but this is not funny. I don’t need whiskers anywhere on this body, no female needs that.

It’s easier for the pounds to come on and harder to take them off no matter how much I run, walk, lift, bike, play volleyball or softball, chase LM, that weight just wants to sit right on my tummy, hips, thighs and back – ewww back fat…again, WTF??

I want or demand – I can’t even say my pre-baby body because my body was SMOKING after I had LM. I actually had a 6 pack of abs. Gaining 75 pounds while pregnant and losing the 75 + 25 (while the big D set in) was GREAT for me. I was toned and in the best shape since high school. Then boom just like that COMFORT weight set in.

HELLO…I’m not comfortable with this weight so LEAVE…shoo get off my body would you?I'm telling you don’t get comfy cause I’m going to sweat; starve; jingle jangle you off this 30 something body if it kills me and yes o yes it probably will.

I only work out so I can eat those double stuff oreos for dinner and ice cream cone for dessert. The best ice cream ever is Gobs of Vanilla – which is chunks of gobs mixed in with vanilla ice cream – HEAVEN on earth I tell you. Thank you local creamy for that invention the world couldn't live without. SHEESH, what were you thinking?

So what do you do if anything to be comfortable with middle age and the demons that set in or do you not have demons rearing their ugly heads?

I workout for 60 minutes instead of eating lunch, yes, I am a fool.

A Note from Teacher

2008-07-24T05:15:00.000-07:00

Dear DMM,

I may not have been able to get to know you very well but as of now I’m in Tx taking care of my grandfather.

I can’t tell you how much LM means to me. He is so energetic and joyful. He gives a glow every time I see him. He must have gotten that from you! When he walks into a room it just lights up. It gets dull only because he was cutting off the circulation to my brain when he gave me a hug. He may have gotten his looks from his dad but his personality is defiantly from you! Both you and LM are so sweet and full of life I know I will miss you both dearly.

LM is a good kid but he’s going to be such a lady charmer he might need to keep up the fast running he’s got going on because girls will chase him (HE HE) forever.

I have found myself at a loss of words.

Keep in touch and let me know how LM is doing.

Tell LM that I love him very much and will be thinking of him often. Again, it was great getting to know you and LM.

All my love,

A Monster Among Me

2008-07-10T11:22:00.000-07:00

No Gym For Me

2008-07-09T10:05:00.000-07:00

Today after pulling into a great parking space then jumping out of my car I realized my gym bag felt lighter a lot lighter then normal. I looked down to find 3 items in the bag:

My Sneakers
My Ipod
My Swimsuit

According to my standards this is NOT proper workout attire. I climbed back into my car and left heading to McD's for a Sweet Tea and chicken sandwich.

Movie Etiquette Where Have You Gone?

2008-07-01T04:29:00.000-07:00

As another party of my little man’s birthday the boy toy and I took him to see Kung Fu Panda last night. The weather has been quite meh-blah in here parts of Western PA and I did not feel like sitting at home playing with all the noise toys. So after dinner off we went…

Ah, we were the first ones in and got our choice of seats. Not long after four more families strolled in sitting scattered through the theatre. Now, I realize it is a kids movie, therefore, there are going to be children there of all ages, what I did not expect was the behavior issues of these parents and children.

The lights were dimmed and the previews started. I hear the screaming of, “Daddy, I want popcorn.” Daddy replied with, “You just had supper.” This bantering went on for the first ten minutes of the movie. I think he finally caved because it stopped.

Then to my left a family of five, in which one of the children was coughing up a lung and much phlegm along with crocodile tears while screaming, “I want to go home.”

The cake topper was when the mother’s, of the child who wanted popcorn, cell phone went off and she answered it, loudly. Not only did she answer it but we all heard the conversation. She was supposed to be at her mother in laws. After telling the husband this and him telling her that was fine to go and he’d be okay with the kids. O my - she feels bad and what should she do?

Let me tell you, GO! No one cares how bad you feel or where you are supposed to be. All I know is that I was in that theatre trying to have a nice evening with LM. Instead I was annoyed throughout the whole movie.

After all this the family of six in front of us have an infant, an infant of no more than being nine months old who is screaming and fussing because why, she was probably board. I do not know about your children when they were nine months but I can tell you mine was not about to sit through a 90 minute movie. So instead of taking her out they let her scream put her down and let her roll around on the floor. Nice, eh?

Again, I understand this was a children’s film and my child can certainly cut up and carry on at the most inopportune time however, when in that type of situation I would have marched his little dupa outside and told him to knock it off.

Instead, he was the best behaved sitting in his seat not moving or making a sound other than to laugh when Po was cracking a joke or being silly.

When we got to the car, LM commented on how bad the other kids were. Made me smile that he realizes you are to be quiet and respectful of others in a movie type setting.

Next time, I won’t be so child or adult friendly.

Shh...It's A Birthday Surprise

2008-06-26T06:21:00.001-07:00

And This Is What The Pottstown Rumble Looks Like

2008-06-24T10:52:00.000-07:00

Click here to learn about the Rumble

Mo Fo Sandbaggers

2008-06-23T06:19:00.000-07:00

Sandbagging refers to a competitor who misrepresents his skill level in order to gain easy victories over less-skilled opponents. With that definition out of the way I will break out into story, song or dance, whichever you prefer to call this ditty of a story.

This weekend a group of us carted our canopies and volleyballs off to Pottstown, PA for the toughest grass tournament on the east coast the Pottstown Rumble.

The weather was perfect and the competition - fierce as always. On Saturday the group finished by all of us making it to playoffs, which was totally awesome. The majority of us range from solid BB to not so solid A players. Knowing the stiff competition that we would encounter we played it safe and chose to stick to what we knew best which is BB.

We all faired out well. E & W taking 2nd place in Women’s BB; myself and A finishing in the top 5th-8th which with my shoulder issues is remarkable. E & W knocked us out – we tried to give them a good game but I puckered out not to mention my serve receive was less than on mark that game.

Two of our male friends took first place on their net, now mind you the one male (C) hasn’t played volleyball in about four years and (T) plays a solid BB+ /A level.

While playing their last game they destroyed the other team, who in turn didn’t take it well accusing C & T of, yep you guessed it, sandbagging. Calling them Mo Fo (you can fill in the rest of the lettering) Sandbaggers and they signed up for BB division and if you’re passing and hitting the ball that well you should be in A or AA.

As they finished up C took the score sheet up to the tally table to get set up for playoffs (there were 16 nets in their division.) The poor sports follow him complaining to the rules and rec committee about how C & T were sandbaggers.

C explains how he hasn’t played volleyball in four years and has only played doubles a few times. The poor sport says but your buddy is solid A or AA he can pass and hit. Duh, you idiot, that is what volleyball is – especially doubles...the rules and rec committee told him it was too late they should have questioned it earlier and lucky for them they don’t play them in playoffs first round.

I had to laugh at this as playoffs began. T & C were down 10-6 crawling back to a 12-10 win to make second round which left them in the dust losing 9-11. Now, if they had been sandbagging they would have crushed every team in their way.

I have learned when playing at all skill levels you take the good with the bad. I’m out there to yes, win, however there are days that you got it and days that you just do not. I just wish I had more days when I have it.

Ah, Undies..

2008-06-19T04:53:00.000-07:00

NOW THAT'S HOT!!

Because Pizza and Tattoos go together

2008-06-17T06:44:00.000-07:00

LM and I decided to meet up with Aunt D for dinner and small talk. What a great time catching up, as I have been extremely busy with two jobs (now finally back to one) and have not had much time for well...anything...

Plus she got a hot new ride that we were dying to check out. The two of us decided to let LM pick and of course pizza it was. When out of the corner of his little blue eyes he spotted the many coin machines that all mothers in the world loath, if you don't there is something wrong with you...anyway...

After pulling through the trenches of my purse along with Aunt D's for quarters we found ourselves purchasing tattoos. Two sharks and a scorpion. The little dude could not wait to put those bad boys on.

All three ended up on his itty bitty body - one on the arm, the calf and of course the best place ever for the last and largest the stomach.

Today going into school he was the tough guy, bold and bad assed marked with his new tats to show all the other preschoolers...now all he needs is his motorcycle bicycle.

Spiderman, I think you are on the way out.

A 5th Birthday Party in the Works

2008-06-16T04:58:00.000-07:00

I was not quite sure what to do for LM’s 5th birthday this year. I pondered on different things, having a party at the park where the kids can run around like lunatics playing and chasing each other while serving burgers; hot dogs and many salads. To me that just sounded like to much work. I’m looking for simple but fun.

I even thought about the dreaded Chuck E. Cheese parties, and I refuse to do that to myself. A swim party was up my alley as LM loves to swim, splash and jump in the pool never getting tired. The thought of 20 kids splishing and splashing did not peek my interest neither did playing life guard for 2 hours. I am in Risk Management, what can I say, everything is a concern of mine.

Ah, at last a decision was made, a miniature golf party with just cupcakes and ice cream. A mother’s dream or um, nightmare come true. A local ice cream establishment has a birthday party package. You get one round of mini golf and a cone. Perfect if you ask me all I need to bring are cupcakes and napkins.

Here’s hoping to a great time, no rain along with the kids not using the golf clubs as swords at some point throughout the party.

Soccer

2008-06-03T11:01:00.000-07:00

Sports at this age is simply adorable.

LM is #7...

He's got 'tude...

2008-06-02T07:47:00.000-07:00

On Saturday while my darling little boy was playing soccer he decided to yell at the little girl on his team for kicking the ball out of bounds. He shouted at her, “Corona, why did you kick the ball out of bounds, you should have turned it.”

The Father is the coach and while we are divorced we both still have the same rules regarding attitude – LM got benched. As he crossed his arms and stuck his bottom lip out and marched is little dupa over to the sidelines, I saw a little bit of me in him.

I just found it horrible yet funny at the same time. My child has attitude which is not good if used in the wrong way. However, he’s competitive like his mom and that may be a bad thing. I am a total beotch on the volleyball court.

We made him apologize to the little girl and the Father again explained why he got benched. LM seemed to understand but I am not so sure.

After todays email rantings back and forth with the Father I found this was not the first time LM got benched. As last week LM was told to get the two soccer balls when another teammate went to help, LM got angry, yelled, HEY I WAS TO GET THOSE picked the ball up and struck the other kid in the back.

Great I thought, I have a little monster on my hands…

Looks like my child will be riding the alpine slide instead of seeing the green field.

He starts flag football in the fall – I wonder how that will go.

Gas Prices

2008-05-29T12:22:00.001-07:00

Gas reaches an all time high in my little town $4.05 for self service and $4.19 for full service.

YIKES...I think a scooter/motorcycle is in my future...

Hey oil companies "Double Uncle!" Enough already.

Soon we'll all be working to put gas our cars!!

My sister needs help this weekend, I told her jokingly I can't afford to drive to her place. However, I will be there.

A Motto To Live By

2008-05-28T08:26:00.000-07:00

When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!!

Child Support

2008-05-21T12:43:00.001-07:00

Every responsible parent whether it be mother/father should pay it. This is not some vindictive way to get back at the other party or put them in the poor house. This is to help maintain the childs(rens) needs - not wants - but needs.

End of subject.

Da Beach Part II

2008-05-19T10:26:00.000-07:00

A story from the eyes of the opponent...

Guest Blogger and fellow volleyball player JHinish...

Well, Tim and Darla got lucky.

The best team in our division was on their net (Denise & I) and we played them first when Denise was still drunk from the night before.

Then in the first round of the playoffs, that team (Jeff & Denise) must have started drinking again (they played like they were drunk that game).

Tim & Dar then beat another team that was pretty good -- but thank goodness they didn't have to face that really good team (US). Like i said, they were LUCKY - um, no Jeff, we are just that good. On an unrelated note, Jeff and Denise played together, they did OK.

September is only 4 months away. Is it a coincidence that September has the word beer in it?? i think not. It will be a fun trip.
============================

However, in my opinion Tim and I didn't get lucky - we just have mad volleyball skeeeellzzzz. Also with Tim being 9 foot tall all I needed to do was set the ball close to the net and he slammed it down. Yep, that's what happened. ALL DAY we brought the heat and Jeff couldn't extinguish the fire.

Da Beach - First Rites Tourney

2008-05-16T10:23:00.000-07:00

We are the champions!! Went undefeated 8-0 - now on up to the next level of play.

2008-04-29T04:59:00.000-07:00

I know I have not blogged for a while. I was away far off in some wonderful foreign country called Jamaica, got home and am trying hard to get back into the groove of things.

Vacation was wonderful, everything I ever expected and more. The Butler I got upgraded to ROCKED MY SOCKS OFF with nothing but treating me like a queen for a week, it was GREAT.

However, I do have a confession. I think…I’m just bored with blogging. I’m bored with my blog, but on the flip side, I’m not bored with everyone else’s blog.

I can sit here and rant and rave or B R A G if you will about how wonderful my life is going, how great LM is and how fast he’s growing. I can tell you that he scored his first ever soccer goal in a “real” game. I can rant about how I signed him up for flag football and I’m just a little wee bit nervous about that – especially since he likes to tackle and is not going to grab for the flag.

I can tell you that I’m working my ass off with two jobs and tired. I can tell you how I pay my mom to clean my house because I’m either to busy or to lazy, BUT I PAY HER so it is all good, right?

But to be honest, I just do not feel like it.

Maybe I’m just in a funk and need to snap out of it, I will I am sure but who knows when.

For right now, I’m just going to thrive off of my favorite blogs listed over here on the left and who knows maybe in few weeks I’ll have a great story to tell.

Add it up...

2008-04-16T11:45:00.000-07:00

So the boy toy and I cashed in our change for the trip to add to the spending money pot and guess what – we need no spending money - the bank called –

You’re change added up to $525.00 –

I said WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

She repeated $525.00.

I then pooped my pants…

Bathroom Talk

2008-04-15T07:49:00.001-07:00

Last night as I was helping LM make sure his bottom was clean the conversation went like this...

"Mommy, can you help me?"

"Sure, let me make sure you're all cleaned up."

"Mommy, your toes are pretty."

At that moment, I fell in love with him all over again!!

UGH Monday

2008-04-14T12:03:00.000-07:00

The alarm went off this morning and I wanted to cry.

It's Monday - come on weekend.

Vacation starts Saturday.

It's Offical

2008-04-09T12:42:00.000-07:00

Today I received in my hot hot hot little hands -

My Property and Casualty License and Agent Number.

WHOO HOOO

I TOLD YOU SO!!

2008-04-09T10:23:00.000-07:00

I'm not one to brag, however, to the local Mitsubishi Dealership..."I TOLD YOU SO!! "

Recalls Summary

Make / Models : Model/Build Years:
MITSUBISHI / ENDEAVOR 2004-2008

Recall Number: 08V139000

Summary:
MITSUBISHI IS RECALLING 120,000 MY 2004-2006 ENDEAVOR PASSENGER VEHICLES. DURING VEHICLE USE, THE IGNITION KEY INTERLOCK CABLE (WHICH IS A COMPONENT OF THE INTERLOCK SYSTEM) MAY ALLOW THE INTERLOCKING CAM TO FALL FORWARD AND ALLOW THE IGNITION KEY TO BE REMOVED FROM THE IGNITION SWITCH WHEN THE GEARSHIFT MECHANISM IS NOT IN THE PARK POSITION.

Consequence:
IF THE DRIVER DOES NOT SHIFT TO PARK BEFORE REMOVING THE KEY AND FAILS TO ENGAGE THE PARKING BRAKE, THE VEHICLE COULD ROLL AND A CRASH COULD OCCUR.

Remedy:
DEALERS WILL INSPECT AND CORRECT THESE VEHICLES FOR THE REPORTED CONDITION. THE MANUFACTURER HAS NOT YET PROVIDED A REMEDY OR OWNER NOTIFICATION SCHEDULE. OWNERS MAY CONTACT MITSUBISHI AT 1-800-222-0037.
Notes:
CUSTOMERS MAY ALSO CONTACT THE NATIONAL HIGHWAY TRAFFIC SAFETY ADMINISTRATION'S VEHICLE SAFETY HOTLINE AT 1-888-327-4236 (TTY 1-800-424-9153), OR GO TO HTTP://WWW.SAFERCAR.GOV.

Raising a Pimp Daddy Toddler

2008-04-07T08:37:00.000-07:00

I have learned over the weekend I have my hands full – full of a pimp daddy toddler. It all began at a birthday party for a little girl in LM’s class at the local Chuck E Cheese. Of course, being the great mommy that I am took LM to have pizza and cake with the mouse. It was lovely and loud at the same time.

Imagine a bazillion kids all running around screaming at the same time while game noise is going wild. “Toddlers Gone Wild” film at 11. That place is nuts – a gold mine, I tell you.

Now, the party is over and it’s time to go, I begin to gather the treat bag and jacket, when I swing around I see LM smooching with “J” and several other girls. There is a line, no lie either, a line of girls all waiting to kiss LM.

J’s mother and I made it into a joke thankfully. I told her he’s just practicing for his high school days and she laughing saying well her dear daughter is a hussy at the age of 5 and kisses all the boys.

After the entourage of girls followed LM to the door and we got out alive I asked him who they all were he calmly looked at me and said, Mom, my girlfriends. As if, I should have known all that.

Later that evening, I invited over friends of ours for a play date when “H” no sooner walked in the door and LM asked, “Hey H, you wanna see my room?” - This was asked before she even had her shoes off. I froze as did H’s mom and both asked, “did we hear that right?”

I am raising a pick up artist and he is in his prime at the age of four.

20 days and counting

2008-04-02T11:08:00.000-07:00

So it is about time that I am down below the 20 day mark for my trip. Now the fun begins of what do I take, what do I wear, o hell who cares? I’m going to be sitting on a beach with friends all I need is tip money and a swimsuit.

Glad that is over with.

I can now think about the meals of the day and the pool festivities I’ll be taking in. Again, you are right, I will not be participating in anything but sun bathing and making a deal with the local folk selling their jewelry on the beach.

Come on 20 days.

From Spiderman to the Green Goblin

2008-03-27T11:43:00.000-07:00

LM - Mommy, how did the Easter Bunny know I wanted this?

Me - I placed a call to him on his bunny phone.

LM - O, that is so cool. I'm glad I was good this year. How'd you get his number?

Me - Mommies have all the right numbers.

LM - Even Santa.

Me - Even Santa - you know Santa is the Boss and the Easter Bunny works for him.

LM - So is that how the Easter Bunny knows where I live.

Me - Of course.

LM - Mommy, you know in the movie that Harry is really the Green Goblin and he doesn't like Peter Parker who is Spiderman cause he killed his dad.

Me - I think you've been watching to much Spiderman.

LM - No, no I haven't. We didn't watch it last night.

One Good Looking Dude

2008-03-25T09:42:00.001-07:00

Happy Easter!

In 4 weeks

2008-03-24T08:55:00.000-07:00

In four weeks I will be in the sun, sand and total warm weather bliss - A much deserved and needed getaway!!

A Little Charity Goes a Long Way

2008-03-18T06:50:00.000-07:00

We are having what is called "The Cinderella Project" here at the workplace. This is where you can donate any and all types of prom/bridesmaid or special occassion gowns/shoes/accessories that you have worn and want them OUT of your closet.

I have donated 4 gowns and it feels great to know that some young girl will be able to go down to the Y and have any dress she wants. I have talked to the committee members and the Y is packed full of new and slightly used gowns.

Doing this project is a great feeling. Just knowing that I helped make some girl's prom night special is a great feeling!!

Great job to all committee members and the Y for bringing this project together.

Observation

2008-03-18T05:23:00.000-07:00

The email was sent…

I am out of town, actually country, can you keep him on the evening of the 19th say around 7 or 8ish then the rest of the week? I am only asking because I have to leave for the airport at 3AM and I do not want to disturb his sleep by dropping him off at your house that early.

The reply…

No, I have plans that night.

=========
My first gut reaction was to punch the computer screen after the email of, “so, are you saying you do not want your child or are you doing this because you think you are punishing me?,” was typed to be sent but deleted - I hate to tell you this but - you are not punishing me, you are punishing him.

=========
I never give up any time with him – it is not fair to him – and why short change myself? I love him with every fiber of my being and want to inhale all the time I can with him. I will always rearrange my schedule no matter what the cost or circumstance. I just wish the other side felt the same way. But you – you seem to give him up for the party – I say the party can wait, he is more important.

==========
Plan B –
Aunt D and Gma – who fight over when they can see him or even have him for a sleepover, which is hardly ever. It is actually nice to know people fight over having your boy.

2008-03-13T12:41:00.000-07:00

Life is funny - isn't it funny how you can totally rip someone to shreds and notice all of what you think their flaws are...however, when it comes to your own flaws you all of a sudden do not have any.

I did not realize everyone in the world was perfect but...me.

Thank you for pointing out my flaws unjustly, I do truly appreciate it.

The Best Words Ever...

2008-03-13T07:17:00.000-07:00

LM - Mommy you're my best friend.

Mom - O yeah, why is that? I thought Anthony was.

LM - Nope you are, because I love you this much (stretches his arms out as far as he could.)

Mom - Smiles and hugs her baby boy as tightly as she can.

All I Have to say...

2008-03-08T16:07:00.000-08:00

I passed. I passed. I passed.

I have done nothing for the past two weeks but study, work and pray. I never lifted my head out of that dreadful Property & Casualty License book and it paid off on Friday.

I took a two hour drive to the big ole city of Pittsburgh sat in the parking for 30 minutes and prayed, prayed so hard that God was probably feeling smothered by me. I just wouldn't let it go. "Help me to find the knowledge to answer these questions correctly and pass."

Imagine someone saying that to you for a solid 30 minutes. All I know is that my constant face in the book approach and begging the good Lord for his help on this worked.

My friends all laughed and said - Funny how you're all of a sudden religious. My response was, "I am religious. I'm just not an in your face religious FREAK. Everyone has their own beliefs and I don't like to get in the middle."

I now have my insurance license and that is exactly what I needed and wanted. Now, hopefully many doors and windows will open.

A Bit of an Absense

2008-02-27T06:39:00.000-08:00

I am busy, busy studying my ass off. Day and night, night and day.

Just a hint of the questions asked:

Additional coverage in the liability section of a Homeowners Policy cover all the following EXCEPT:
Damage to the property of others
Damage to 3rd party property for which the insured is legally liable
claims Expense
First Aid to Others

or this question

Which of the following can be insured under an unendorsed Homeowners Policy?
Farm
Mobile Home
Dwelling that the owner rents to his cousin
Private Residence in which the owner occupied also maintains office for his/her accounting business

YEA - now you know why I FAILED by FOUR lousy points...and I personally think these two questions are on the easy side...

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

2008-02-22T17:53:00.000-08:00

Close only does count in horseshoes and hand grenades- WHY? I'm asking because I, of course, failed miserably by four lousy points.
F O U R I say...

Luckily, I can take this test again and again and again until passing. However, four points is not bad considering I crammed for 3 days and don't routinely see this line in my profession.

All I know is there is going to be one hell of a party when I pass.

By the way - our instructor told us a lady in his firm took this test six times before passing. WTF?

Hitting The Books

2008-02-20T14:19:00.001-08:00

Away at class for my property and casualty license. Talk about an abundance of information thrown at you in 24 hours or 3 days for a test that is very painful. The hotel room is quiet only able to hear the typing of my notes, tapping of my pen and of course the festivities of banging my head against the wall.

Wish me luck for my test...

Worst Day E V E R and what $150 will get you

2008-02-13T07:29:00.000-08:00

I’m getting LM up for school, get him dressed and head downstairs, all is well in my marry little world until, Mom, I have to pee. At this point, he realizes he doesn’t have on the pants he wants, begins to cry. I ask him what is wrong, he says, “I didn’t want to wear these pants, I want jeans.” I tell him to change and make it snappy as I didn’t want to be late for Daddy’s.

He runs up stairs and begins to cry harder, I want these jeans…I tell him it’s fine to just put them on and come on. He puts them on with my help of course, he decides to put his shoes on – ON THE WRONG FEET. I promptly tell him – those are the wrong feet, NO THEY’RE NOT HE SHOUTS. I said, calmly, if you can believe that, Yes, they are honey and show him – he still screams NO THEY AREN’T. I give up and leave…

I leave saying, Fine, you put them on and we’ll see. I head downstairs while he’s crying his little head off, shouting "my shoes don’t fit they are too big." Gee, I wonder why? Anyway, I head outside to start my car, he follows screaming louder and harder, because at this point he thinks I left him.

I come back in the shoes are still on the wrong feet and we leave…I take a turn in the car and his Valentine’s treats GO EVERYWHERE – at this point I’m steaming mad. LM is still in the back crying for some unknown reason other than to God, I get to his dad’s he stop crying gets out, thinks all is right with the world and all I want to do is cry. Instead, I clean up all the treats and get him to the door – we say our goodbyes, I hate this part every Wednesday morning…

I then get to work only to realize I forgot the Birth Certificate I need for Monday’s Kindergarten registration. Email “the dad” and get this phone call –

“I don’t have it you do."
“Um, no I don’t, you wouldn’t give me the original. You only sent me a photocopy interoffice.”
“Yes, I did. You needed it for your trip to Denver….”
“No, I needed no ID for LM for the plane ride, call Airport Security they will confirm it.”
“Well, then I don’t know where it is as it’s not where I keep it.”
"This is just dandy since I need it for Mondays registration."

CLICK….

So $150 later I have one Birth Certificate ordered via internet services to come for delivery by Monday. HAPPY FREAKING WEDNEDSAY.

However, the good news for the day is Mitsubishi came, took my car for a jaunt and yes, there is a defect. (I told you so local dealership morons). Mitsubishi will be getting in touch with me after they view another rollaway Endeavor in WV.

Fast Lane of Life

2008-02-11T11:32:00.000-08:00

This I am not even close to being ready for...next week on Monday, I will be sitting in the school office signing my precious LM up for kindergarten. All the paperwork has been downloaded and filled out, tomorrow he goes for his last set of shots and the paperwork from the dentist is in under snailmail delivery.

Where did the past 4 years go? I know, if I think that was quick the next 12 will be here and over before I even blink.

Life moves pretty fast, if you sit on the porch to watch, it will pass you by in an instant.

Say Hello to my little friend

2008-02-07T04:48:00.000-08:00

O yea, it has finally arrived, my new best friend. This is who I am going to be spending my evenings with, the one who I am going to be getting down right dirty and sweaty with - WOO HOO I cannot wait. Hello firm body goodbye flab - well one can hope, right?

Good News, Good News

2008-02-06T04:34:00.000-08:00

Item Description
Item #
Quantity
Status Message
TRC Model TC5000
200023

This item has shipped! You will be receiving an email shortly with further details of your shipment including tracking information, if applicable.

WOO HOO I can not wait to get this in my livingroom and let the cardio workouts begin.

Guest Blogger for moment

2008-02-05T10:04:00.000-08:00

Hey there...DMM was getting kind of bored with her topics so I threw this one her way - kinda like tossing a dog a bone to say... I asked her if I could vent and if she would post for something different and of course she said SURE...so here it it my venting blog for the moment...

Ex-Wives. Whether you are one, will soon be one, or aspire to be one (because I personally think everyone should be one at least once), there’s usually a provision that goes along with it, and that’s to live up to the EX part of it and move on.

You are divorced for a reason. You left/he left/it was mutual/whatever, bottom line - it didn’t work out. For however long you were separated, whether it be months or years and tried maybe numerous times to work it out, you still had that extra 90 days to contemplate the fate of your marriage. And yet, you still signed the papers.

So it was a friendly divorce. Great. Keep in touch, send Christmas cards, but recognize your boundaries when your ex finds happiness again with someone else. You even go gallant lengths to wish him well and respect his relationship. So you say.

Especially when you are, and have been for some time, in a relationship and even move in with someone.

Your ex is not your security blanket, and the threat to have that taken away is not your opportunity to slink back in and relive old times. Of course now that you have something new to pursue, your current relationship comes to an end.

Now we are evil creatures by nature, but nice boys with big hearts are blindsided by our sweetness to get what we want. But, certain circumstances are best left untouched by your selfishness.

You know you won’t be happy together (again) once you succeed in your undertaking. You’ve already been there, remember?

But, mission accomplished, your man is blanky snuggable again.

Tomorrow I will bring you back to your regular scheduled DMM O yes, I am a female who wrote this - just my point of view on being the EX-Wife

EAT UP!!

2008-02-05T05:33:00.000-08:00

"Fasnacht Day," more properly called "Fastnacht," is Shrove Tuesday, the day before Ash Wednesday. This was the established beginning of the 40 days of fasting during Lent.

It is a folk tradition dating to the Middle Ages, a Catholic custom that has survived in Protestant Pennsylvania.

On Monday, dough was put out in straw baskets for raising, then cut in squares and deep-fried in fat, not baked. Served with hot coffee at breakfast, the popular way to eat them was to split them in half and spread with honey. (Today they often come coated with confectioners’ sugar.)

In the old days, this was a chance for everyone to gorge on good doughnuts without reprise, for the lean days would now follow. And the proverbial "dunker" could dunk doughnuts to his stomach’s content. The making of fasnachts helped use up fat and sugar prior to fasting.

Take that Mitsubishi!

2008-01-31T11:04:00.000-08:00

Hi Darla,

Ofc. Dunn did call me back, we had a nice discussion, and he confirmed what you reported. I don’t know if I mentioned it to you or not, but I do have one other report on a 2006 Endeavor that has this same problem; you can take the key out in any gear intermittently. Given the age and small population of the vehicle, NHTSA has decided to open what we call a Preliminary Evaluation to study the problem further; this is a 4 month ‘look-see’. The process involves collecting information from the manufacturer to see if there is evidence of a wide spread problem, in which case we may ask Mitsubishi to conduct a recall, or we may decide that no action is required on their part at this time. This will be conducted under investigation ID PE08-006 - you can visit our website (http://www-odi.nhtsa.dot.gov ) to learn more, or feel free to contact me if you want. As part of the process, NHTSA may want to look at your vehicle, and we would want to extend an invitation to the manufacturer to join us at their discretion. We would make every attempt to be as accommodating as possible. Is this something you would be willing to support?

Thanks again for your help,
Scott

I guess all my determination (ok complaining to the right folks) is going to get me somewhere, at least I hope.

Belly Ache Blues

2008-01-29T11:48:00.000-08:00

630Am conversation...

LM "Mommy, my belly hurts." "I don't think you should make me go to school."

Me "Are you going to throw up?"

LM "No, but it hurts and I want to stay home with you today."

Me "No can do, you can only stay home if you throw up."

LM "O Man, I guess I'll get my shoes."

Yeah, I know I suck but someone has to work...

Sense of Accomplishment

2008-01-27T17:38:00.000-08:00

What a weekend, it's Sunday night I cannot wait to hit the bed.

On Saturday, I kicked major ass on cleaning out the closet and toy area. I have not had much time to clean with my moonlighting at AA's (not the AA your maybe thinking of either for those smarty pant folks out there). I decided to dig deep getting those heels clicking and bam - the closet is clean with a huge box of clothing for charity and toys for whoever.

As I am cleaning out the toy area, LM takes it upon himself to tell me what I can and can not get rid of. He grabs all of his good sporting equipment and screams, "Mommy, you cannot give this away!!" He than begins to hide everything he wants to keep from me. I did manage to clear out the toy area and it looks marvelous and organized.

I got all the cleaning done with the exception of the bathroom and dusting. I hate cleaning that room and dusting which I will push off for another day - like tomorrow night or maybe after LM showers tonight.

All I know is there is nothing better then a clean closet/drawers and playroom!

The Blues

2008-01-21T11:27:00.001-08:00

All I am going to say is "Monday, Ew!"

Bad Day

2008-01-18T05:03:00.001-08:00

You know it is going to be a bad day when you are sitting at your desk and feel this scratchiness sensation on your neck. You begin to research and find it to be the tag of your turtleneck and think I did not get dressed in the dark how did I miss that? So now you are to lazy to get up to hit the restroom and just switch your shirt around in your office hoping no one is looking.

Damn, it is going to be a long day.

Engaged

2008-01-16T05:32:00.000-08:00

Last night, he sat beside me holding my hand on the couch talking about how much he loved me and thought I was the greatest. I looked into those baby blues of his, melted while smiling then kissed him on the cheek professing my love as well and that is when it happened...

"Mommy, will you marry me?"

"Of course, I'll marry you."

I H.E.A.R.T this child of mine.

Home at last

2008-01-14T06:29:00.000-08:00

After a week of living it up in the Bahamas, I'm home. I have a ton of great memories and a nice tan to show for my trip.

Back to the reality of work and snow.

Next on my list - Jamacia in April.

Where is Monday?

2008-01-02T08:39:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning only to find my car covered in inches of cold, fluffy white stuff. SNOW UGH…My car starter Santa brought me can not get installed fast enough. There I was in my heels, dress pants and pea coat scraping away as thoughts of the Grand Bahamas danced in my head. Someone really needs to rethink the dress code for winter.

This is by far the first time I have ever wished it to MONDAY. You see, Monday I am flying to a far away warm place with crystal clear blue waters for meetings that I do not have to attend but probably will only because I am a good sport like that. I decided way back in July that since work would not send me to this little meeting that all my friends were attending; to take it upon myself to hook up with my gal pal who is going. I am using vacation time while attending the meeting as her guest. Brilliant plan if you ask me.

While attending as her guest, I will enjoy a few Yacht parties on the Adrianna III whilst I rub elbows with some muckity mucks and drink until my hearts content. I can not wait to see old friends from last year’s Cayman trip and catch up on business matters of the heart or um…something like that.

Then I can either golf or snorkel with the group but I think I will just lie my hiney on the beach basking in the rays catching up on some much needed zzzzzzz’s.

Right now, it is not a bad start to 2008.

Happy New Year

2007-12-31T08:33:00.000-08:00

After serious & cautious consideration.....your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2008!

It was a very hard decision to make. So try not to screw it up!!!

My Wish for You in 2008

ﻌMay peace break into your house & may thieves come to steal your debts.
ﻌMay the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $100 bills.
ﻌMay love stick to your face like Vaseline & may laughter assault your lips!
ﻌMay your clothes smell of success like smoking tires & may happiness slap you across the face & may your tears be that of joy.
ﻌMay the problems you had forget your home address!

In simple words …

May 2008 be the best year of your life!!!

Happy New Year Friends!

Wishing you all the best in 2008!

2007-12-31T07:39:00.000-08:00

Say it ain’t so. New Year’s Eve is upon us again. Where did the year go? I have not even blogged about Christmas yet. That is really not my fault though, I have the most darling pictures of LM and my camera is MIA due to crazy boy toy leaving it at the brother’s house. So that leaves me with blogging about NYE.

Welcome 2008. It is that time for crazy resolutions that no one ever really keeps and for the wheel of life to keep on turning. 2007 was full of twists and turns and a roller coaster ride that I thought would never stop. It actually didn’t stop but it slowed down a little bit, I think.

As for what 2008 brings me, only God knows however, I’m open to anything. I’m looking forward to a solid year of adventures with LM as he starts big kid school and sports. I am also looking forward to what adventures are in my future. I hope to travel more and hopefully be in a cozy new home and to grow another year closer to the boy toy.

I’m hoping for making huge sales and commissions with my new part time job as a bridal consultant. HA, me in the bridal sells business – who would have thought – this is the girl that is anti-valentine’s day or was, I’ll get to that story another day. I make decent money at my full time job but really, I cannot beat the money for part time and I get to pick my hours. Plus the girls I work with are F U N!!

I pulled this little gig out when I went to pick up a bridesmaid dress. I got offered the job on the spot. Ya know, due to my great looks, witty charm and vibrant sense of humor and total out going personality. Ok Ok maybe that was a little overboard, but it makes me feel good.

Who walks into a place when the Manager puts the customer on hold and says, “DMM, would you like to work here part-time, its not like you are never in here?’ The thought that ran through my head, “are you kidding me?” But then I thought what the hell extra cash for LM and I would be nice.

It’s really not a bad deal, but anywho…where was I…O yes, 2008…may you all have a great New Year’s and KISS the one you love most at midnight.

Are YOU Smarter then a 5th Grader?

2007-12-21T10:09:00.000-08:00

There are 7 girls on a bus
Each girl has 7 backpacks
In each backpack, there are 7 big cats
For every big cat there are 7 little cats

Question: How many legs are there on the bus?
This is a real math problem so don't say that the bus has no legs.

So tell me what your guess is and I'll reveal the answer later on...

Merry Merry Christmas

2007-12-21T06:02:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas to all of you.

20/20 Vision

2007-12-19T10:48:00.000-08:00

I am 20/20 Vision today – what a cool unexplainable feeling it is to wake up after the need of corrective lenses and having the ability to see. LM thought it was the coolest thing, me needing to wear this shield type thing for when I sleep for the next 7 days.

He quickly put it on and started running around the house, in his football shoes and shorts, of course no shirt carrying the football acting like he was Tony Romo. He then proceeded to tell me that my eyes looked slimy – however, he meant swelled as the boy toy and myself had discussed that earlier. He just couldn't say it right.

My right eye took 1 minute and 25 seconds and the left eye took a whopping 25 seconds. Simply amazing. You go in lay down on the table they tape up your eyelashes then insert a clamp to keep you from blinking. Once that is done they put a suction cup on your eyeball and you lose vision – it is not as bad as it sounds. I was a nervous wreck about that part but no issues. Then comes the laser cutting, you feel pressure like someone sticking their thumb on your eye and BAM it’s done. They peel back the cornea flap put it back on make it all smooth and holy shit you can see. The vision is a little blurry at first or cloudy but as the day progresses it gets clearer.

As far as the surgery, not a bad experience until I got home I had much burning and tearing. They tell you its like when you peel an onion. WRONG, it’s like peeling a billion onions at one time. I had that sensation for about two hours then it finally subsided.

All I could think was, damn it, I gave birth and it didn’t hurt this bad. However, my eyes are very sensitive to light and anything that comes near them. I should have expected this. I talked to quite a few folks about the drama I had afterwards and I am the only one who experienced this out of my friends. The doctor explained it happens to about 40% of the patients, well I’m in that ratio I guess.

Overall, it was not bad and I would do it again. I highly recommend Lasik if you are a good candidate.

Going Under the Knife...or um Laser

2007-12-18T04:34:00.001-08:00

Today, this morning actually, I am having Lasik Surgery. I cannot freaking wait!! For those of you lucky enough to have 20/20 vision you have no idea of what a pain in the ass it is to wear glasses or contacts every single day.

I cannot wait to wake up in the middle of the night roll over and actually be able to SEE the alarm clock. I cannot wait until my next eye exam when I can walk out of that office not spending 100’s of dollars on glasses and/or contacts – and yes, that’s with a great vision plan.

I cannot wait to go to the beach and NOT get sand kicked up in my contact lens when playing volleyball. I cannot wait for the time I can play volleyball and not worry about something being on my contact lens and calling a time out and rushing to my bag to dig for the bottle of saline solution.

To prepare for Lasik you must wear your glasses for several days – IN A ROW. The last time I wore glasses longer then a day I was in 8th grade. This is the first time that I have actually listened to my eye doctor when he said, “No contacts from here on out.”

I simply can not wait!!

Merry Christmas to me!!

Priceless

2007-12-13T11:21:00.000-08:00

After being afraid of this man in the red suit for four years my LM finally sat on his lap and asked him for a skateboard, proudly as you can see.

HDTV is the DEVIL

2007-12-10T06:08:00.000-08:00

There is this sweet little invention called HDTV that makes your television screen so crisp, clear and amazingly life like you feel as if you are sitting right in the screen. It is a must have especially if you are even thinking of watching some type of sporting event, such as football.

The problem, not all local channels are dishing out the signal for HD for their network. This is causing major issues in my household so much as I am on the breaking point of hearing it discussed. You see a request waiver has been sent in the local network asking for permission for the signal out of NYC, the problem, permission denied.

What gives Mr. Big Shot at the local station?

Not sure, I think just because they sit in a fancy office in their fancy suit and want to make people like me suffer listening to their crazed boyfriends rave about how important it is to have HDTV for the football games or any televised event for that matter they deny all requests.

The solution buy 2 HDTV antennas that are listed as the strongest by your local retailers only to find they do not work because you choose to live in a valley that blocks all signals going into your basement rec room. Another solution, purchase the strongest antenna known to mankind fiddle around with it on the roof, have your girlfriend stand on the roof while you check the signal only to move it a week later. In the freezing cold, mind you, I was not a happy camper.

At this point the antenna is on the highest point on the roof and yep, that’s right you guessed it, the signal still comes in and out, maybe even worse then it did before. My goodness you cannot even think about watching a football game. What if you miss the most important play of the game? It went out about 5 or 6 times in a 10 minute span for about 5 seconds each time. O yes, we got it down to a science of the whens and how longs.

The final solution, buy a new flat screen Plasma TV for Dad’s house as a Christmas present then conjure up this evil plot to have him upgrade his cable to digital so you can watch the superbowl in HDTV. If this plan does not work I am seriously going to gouge out my eardrums so I do not have to hear about the importance of HDTV.

My solution? Call the local decision maker at the network giving you hassle and threaten him with bodily harm.*

I am telling you HDTV is the DEVIL…

*not really but hey at this point anything sounds good just so I don’t have to hear about what a bunch of jerks they are at the local network station it any longer.

Tee minus 30 days

2007-12-06T07:44:00.000-08:00

In 30 days I will be sitting on a Yacht in the warm weather of the Grand Bahamas. I will be sipping fruity drinks and rubbing elbows with a bunch of muckity mucks and I will enjoy it.

Winter has reared its ugly head this week and I am already sick of it!!

May the count down begin.

A True Fan

2007-11-30T07:56:00.000-08:00

You are not a true football fan unless you for starters own every game jersey the team wears. I am not talking one of these cheap-o jerseys either, we are talking 100% authentic, sewn numbers, team emblems and same soft material as the athletes themselves. You personally own the home, away and the infamous throw back for that special game day wearing and strut around the house proudly while it is on, as if you are one of the players.

You move the chair five feet in front of the TV with the laptop sitting on the ottoman so you can blog about your boys after every single play – good or bad. After a play, you clap so loud your neighbors 10 houses up can hear you and your hands hurt afterwards, while screaming, “good job kid, good job.”

You cheer as if you are right there in the stands at the 50 yard line, first row, seat 1. You scream FACE MASK, PASS INTERFERENCE at the refs. However when your team makes the same penalties the world is ending as we know it and the refs are now nitpicking.

You pace back and forth and are going to wear out that new carpet because you are just so nervous and they need just one more touchdown to make you feel all good warm and fuzzy inside – THANK GOD they got that one.

Then no matter what time the game is over you stay up until your hero speaks at the press conference holding onto every single word he is saying and take in every last breath as if it was your own.

This happens in my house every Dallas Cowboy game.

Welcome to my freak show that I simply adore and would not trade in for the world.

Glad your boys are now 11-1.

I have been..."Quoted"

2007-11-28T04:12:00.001-08:00

While in San Fran, working/playing whatever you want to call it, I attended a presentation about making a difference in your life and living healthy. Basically living everyday like you were a professional athlete. I found the presentation amazing not only because I consider myself an athlete but because I should be trying to stay healthy if not for me but for my son.

The week of Thanksgiving I found an email from the presenter, Marty Mercer, saying - expect a present in the mail at the end of the week.

YEA!! Who does not like gifts? I was expecting a Christmas Card to be honest but what I found was a copy of his CD along with a quote from my recommendation letter found on the inside flap.

So, does this make me famous? In my little warped crazy mind, it does.

If you are looking for that perfect start to the New Year get this little ditty of a gift.

Check it out here...

"My famous quote"

Welcome to My Thanksgiving Dinner

2007-11-19T05:52:00.000-08:00

To All Our Family and Friends.

Just a note to let you know we are hoping to see you Thanksgiving Day
But....

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:

Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.

The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.

Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey.

We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline.

Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.

As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.

We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method.

We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door.

Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony.

I stress "private" meaning:

Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.

I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister in the head with warm tasty bread.

Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal, and especially while in the presence of young diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance. Cheese Sauce stains.

Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it.

I hope you aren't too disappointed that Martha Stewart will not be
dining with us this Thanksgiving. She probably won't come next year either.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!

The Mother of all Emails

2007-11-15T06:11:00.000-08:00

I got an email today...

Your son was playing with his stuffed animal last night and said,
"I'm going to kick your ass!"

As if that is my fault...I am not much of a swearer and neither is the father - however, daycare is a cruel thing.

This couldn't be learned from the child who said "shit" and sat in timeout the other day, could it?

Gas Prices

2007-11-08T11:14:00.000-08:00

Freaking gas prices!! I went out to lunch today and gas prices were at $3.05, on my way back to the office I passed the same gas station and it was $3.09. Gas up .04 in a matter of 45 minutes. WTF??

How does anyone who makes minimum wage afford this? Their salaries pay for gas. I have decided to buy a moped. Hopefully the winter weather will not be too harsh.

**cking oil/gas tycoon bastards.