In my little world "I am Queen"

Tuesday, September 25, 2007


A friend went to the Hawaiian-themed wedding this weekend, what a train wreck that whole event was!!!

I will let her tell the story and it begins...here...

I don’t even know where to begin. Should I start with her bouquet and how it had Christmas lights in it and lit up? Should I talk about how there was a break in the service where they played Madonna’s “Crazy for You” and I don’t mean played it on the organ or piano, I mean queued up the CD and played it. We could talk about how they did their own vows and he referred to her in his as “my pebble” which caused me to have an uncontrollable fit of laughter where I had the stomach spasm and couldn't stop laughing. We could talk about the centerpieces which featured live goldfish! Or the six-foot-tall neon light palm tree. We could talk about the wedding dress that ripped because it was-er-uh-ill fitting. Or the bride’s fake hair which didn’t even come close to matching her real hair. We could talk about the mobster tuxedos. You see there is just too much, oh there was also a fog machine and a fountain—in the cake! Too much. I just don’t even know where to begin or what to say about it. So trainwreckalicious! Who does that? Why would you want that for your wedding? I hope people don’t talk about my wedding this way!

Trainwreckalicious is the best word I could use to describe the festivities because it is just a comic goldmine. Although I did have to learn where to draw the line. I referred to my fiance on Sunday as “my pebble” and to say he was less than amused would be an understatement. I told a co-worker the whole story yesterday and she didn’t believe me because she said no one could possibly have a wedding like that. Oh but they did and I will have pictures soon to prove it! The left no tacky stone unturned. The whole thing was nutty. They had both the ceremony and reception at the local college hall. How about right after they played Madonna—in the chapel—they took communion!!! I was totally in a state of shock for the whole wedding that is when I couldn’t stop laughing. A friend of mine asked if they got the Madonna song off of a mixed tape they made from GLU 92 in 1985. Too funny.

The reception was out of this world too, from the moment I signed the guest book with the pink flamingo pen, dropped my card in the tiki idol cardboard box (very reminiscent of the Brady Bunch’s trip to Hawaii), got my stupid Hawaiian lei—that of course came with the joke—you just got laid. Like I didn’t see that one coming. I sat down in front of the metallic palm tree and goldfish centerpiece to eat dinner. I will say this…the food was fantastic and the cake was really good too. It all just kept spiraling downward from there though from their first dance to “Leather and Lace” to about the third time that I heard “Kokomo” by the Beach Boys—which I hate that song, it is like a form of torture for me. On the plus side, they did seem very happy and I guess that is the point. Although they apparently went out afterwards to a bar in the dress and tux…a little starved for attention if you ask me but oh well.

The whole thing was unbelievable, although here is one more appalling tidbit, the groom’s brother is handicapped, he uses a walker as a result of a bad car accident years ago so where do they seat him? In the very back of the room at table 20! What is wrong with people? That’s just mean! I knew this wedding was going to be a bit over the top but I truly had no idea what I was in for! It was simply trainwreckalicious!

I was fundamentally opposed to the goldfish on the table. I am told that they went to live in her aunt’s pond after the wedding but I will be honest, I am not so sure they made it that far. I am betting some of them made it to the bathroom at the Reception hall.

However, none were named Tammy…



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