In my little world "I am Queen"

Friday, November 30, 2007

A True Fan

You are not a true football fan unless you for starters own every game jersey the team wears. I am not talking one of these cheap-o jerseys either, we are talking 100% authentic, sewn numbers, team emblems and same soft material as the athletes themselves. You personally own the home, away and the infamous throw back for that special game day wearing and strut around the house proudly while it is on, as if you are one of the players.

You move the chair five feet in front of the TV with the laptop sitting on the ottoman so you can blog about your boys after every single play – good or bad. After a play, you clap so loud your neighbors 10 houses up can hear you and your hands hurt afterwards, while screaming, “good job kid, good job.”

You cheer as if you are right there in the stands at the 50 yard line, first row, seat 1. You scream FACE MASK, PASS INTERFERENCE at the refs. However when your team makes the same penalties the world is ending as we know it and the refs are now nitpicking.

You pace back and forth and are going to wear out that new carpet because you are just so nervous and they need just one more touchdown to make you feel all good warm and fuzzy inside – THANK GOD they got that one.

Then no matter what time the game is over you stay up until your hero speaks at the press conference holding onto every single word he is saying and take in every last breath as if it was your own.

This happens in my house every Dallas Cowboy game.

Welcome to my freak show that I simply adore and would not trade in for the world.

Glad your boys are now 11-1.


Wednesday, November 28, 2007

I have been..."Quoted"

While in San Fran, working/playing whatever you want to call it, I attended a presentation about making a difference in your life and living healthy. Basically living everyday like you were a professional athlete. I found the presentation amazing not only because I consider myself an athlete but because I should be trying to stay healthy if not for me but for my son.

The week of Thanksgiving I found an email from the presenter, Marty Mercer, saying - expect a present in the mail at the end of the week.

YEA!! Who does not like gifts? I was expecting a Christmas Card to be honest but what I found was a copy of his CD along with a quote from my recommendation letter found on the inside flap.

So, does this make me famous? In my little warped crazy mind, it does.

If you are looking for that perfect start to the New Year get this little ditty of a gift.

Check it out here...
  • "My famous quote"
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    Monday, November 19, 2007

    Welcome to My Thanksgiving Dinner

    To All Our Family and Friends.

    Just a note to let you know we are hoping to see you Thanksgiving Day

    Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:

    Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

    Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.

    The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.

    Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey.

    We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline.

    Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.

    As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.

    We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method.

    We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door.

    Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony.

    I stress "private" meaning:

    Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.

    I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister in the head with warm tasty bread.

    Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal, and especially while in the presence of young diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance. Cheese Sauce stains.

    Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it.

    I hope you aren't too disappointed that Martha Stewart will not be
    dining with us this Thanksgiving. She probably won't come next year either.

    Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!


    Thursday, November 15, 2007

    The Mother of all Emails

    I got an email today...

    Your son was playing with his stuffed animal last night and said,
    "I'm going to kick your ass!"

    As if that is my fault...I am not much of a swearer and neither is the father - however, daycare is a cruel thing.

    This couldn't be learned from the child who said "shit" and sat in timeout the other day, could it?


    Thursday, November 08, 2007

    Gas Prices

    Freaking gas prices!! I went out to lunch today and gas prices were at $3.05, on my way back to the office I passed the same gas station and it was $3.09. Gas up .04 in a matter of 45 minutes. WTF??

    How does anyone who makes minimum wage afford this? Their salaries pay for gas. I have decided to buy a moped. Hopefully the winter weather will not be too harsh.

    **cking oil/gas tycoon bastards.


    Tuesday, November 06, 2007

    Ordering Beer

    Last night we had the girls over for some Steeler Football watching and lots of food eating. In preparation for this huge event I had some errands to run after picking up LM from school.

    As I picked LM up from school, I told him about the wild crazy party we were going to have and all the girls were coming over. After much face making and ewe mom, girls why not boys he was settled on chilling out with the gals.

    Off to the brew threw it was. What amazed me was how my son who is 4 knew exactly how to get in and around the brew threw. Since I did not and was talking to myself out loud about it. I never go for beer nor do I have beer in my house on a regular basis. I am more of a social drinker going out a few times a month to toss back a few cold ones with friends.

    However, this is how the conversation went:

    LM – "Where we going?"

    Me – "Mommy has to pick up a case of beer for the party."

    Enter into Brew Threw Parking Lot

    LM – "O yea, Mommy, I know this place."

    Me – "You do?"

    LM – "Yea, you drive around and go into the garage order your beer and they bring it out and put it in your car."

    Me – "How cool is that?" "LM, how do you know all this?"

    LM – "Daddy does it all the time." "The big guy there, he’ll get your beer, just ask him."

    So I did just that and like LM said the big guy brought me my beer and ice.

    I do not know if this is cute or not. Right now, I think it is just sad that my 4 year old knew how to order a case of beer better then I did at the local brew threw. What is even more upsetting is that I hardly ever drink in front of my child.

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